Sleepwalking

Have you ever had the experience of coming awake while in the midst of doing something? For instance, say you are out walking or on your way to work and suddenly the world around you comes to life? You start to actually see the trees and appreciate how green their leaves are against the blue sky.  Then you notice the happy smile on a child’s face as you pass by her while walking.  It is all so wondrous.     

Stop and Smell the Roses.png

I recently had this experience and realized how much we live inside our minds. We are constantly thinking, planning, remembering, daydreaming or otherwise engaged inside our heads. If not, we are immersed in television, our phones or our computers and we rarely take the time to “smell the roses”.  I realized how little we are often present in our own lives.

We are constantly sleepwalking as life passes us by.

Has this ever happened to you too?  Do you ever feel like you are sleepwalking through your life? 

As I pondered my realization, I began to wonder, if we are asleep through our waking life, are we able to experience true Joy? 

NO! Joy cannot be experienced unless we are present to appreciate it.

We cannot truly appreciate Joy if distracted, nor any other emotion for that matter. Perhaps that is why we sleepwalk through life, to avoid our feelings?  And, if we cannot truly appreciate Joy in the moment, what else might we be missing?      

When we come awake and truly experience the emotions in our lives, we begin to appreciate the richness they offer. Yes, being fully awake and immersed in life can be uncomfortable at first, but is the alternative of sleepwalking your life away really how you want to live?  So, from hereon, make an effort to stay awake.  I know I will, can you? 

Tell us your thoughts on this. 

 

3 Steps to Sweetness in 2017

The holidays are upon us and another year has come and gone.  As we wave good-bye to 2016 and prepare to welcome in a new year, I stopped to reflect on the year gone by.  What an emotional year! (No pun intended) The world saw a lot of turmoil in 2016 and generated a lot of reactions.  Some of the headlines brought Sadness and tears, others Surprise followed by shock and dismay and finally we saw headlines and events that unearthed Anger and rage.

It was a great year to have The BitterSweet Score as a tool to track my own reactions to the world.  In full disclosure, I was in denial about what my scores revealed.  My tests showed, regardless of the scenario, the emotion of Anger. Yes, Anger...  I am not saying I didn’t have other emotional responses, but I kept finding Anger popping up repeatedly in situations I would never label Angry.  This really surprised me.  Anger in some situations made sense.  In others, not so much. 

Can you say Mind Blown? 

I for one have no desire to let Anger continue to be this underlying thread in my emotional life.  As we note in our book, The BitterSweet Score – Flavors Defined, the power of Anger, like the power of all the emotions can be harnessed to deliver superior outcomes once you have clarified the situation and identified the emotion driving it.

In ruminating over my recent discovery, I have decided Anger is not how I want to react to the world and have thus made my only resolution for 2017: LOVE MORE!  Instead of focusing on the Bitter, I must refocus my emotions where I want them to be, in the Sweet zone.  As I continue to use The BitterSweet Score Tool, I will catch my emotions and have the power to change them.

The BitterSweet Score Informs

Emotional Intelligence (EQ)

If you are familiar with the concept of Emotional Intelligence, or EQ as it is often called, I am now touching upon the area of Personal Competence which is made up of Self-Awareness and Self-Management.  According to Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves in their book Emotional Intelligence 2.0,

“Self-awareness is your ability to accurately perceive your own emotions in the moment and understand your tendencies across situations.” 

They also state,

“Self-management is what happens when you act - or do not act.”

The Bittersweet Score is the only tool that helps you identify which of the six primary emotions you are feeling in a situation.  To become Self-Aware, you need to understand what you really feel, not what you think you feel.  Take me as your example, I hadn’t realized Anger was the dominant emotion driving my decisions.  It was The BitterSweet Score that helped me spot my emotional trend.  Which takes us to Self-Management.  By becoming fully aware of the emotions dominating my reactions to situations, I can CHOOSE to change how I, “…act – or do not act.”   

Three Strategies to Sweeten Your 2017

Here are three strategies I plan to practice in 2017 to shift my responses from being driven by Bitter emotions to allowing my Sweet emotions to dominate.

1.      Take a minute to determine if the situation is being driven by emotions or just part of the day.

2.      If emotions are driving a reaction, I must pause and take an Emotional Inventory.

a.       Do I know what I am feeling for sure?

b.      Is this Bitter or Sweet?

c.       If unsure, can I form a “Feeling Question” and use The Bittersweet Score Tool to isolate my dominant emotion?

3.      Do I react now or defer my response?

a.       How can I use the power of the emotions I am feeling to better the situation?

By using the three strategies above, I will be more diligent in my pursuit of emotional identification and understanding in 2017.  You should try them as well.  Armed with a better understanding of our dominant emotions, we will be able to harness their power to enhance any situation. 

Some things to reflect on...

What did your BitterSweet Score reveal about you in 2016?

What emotion(s) do you need to focus on in the New Year?

How can you use The BitterSweet Score in your life?

What else could The BitterSweet Score provide to help you?

Do you have a question about emotions you would like us to answer?  If so, just pop it into the comments section and we will be sure to respond!  

Happy Holidays to All!

 

Love Doesn't Hurt... Loss Does.

I recently had the pleasure of watching one of my dear friends become a new mother. I watched her interacting with her baby boy, the expression on her face was a big teeth-baring smile. The world around her ceased to exist as she looked down upon him. There was even a twinkle in her eyes. I do not think I have ever seen her so happy.

It was evident my friends’ happiness was tied to her Love for her newborn. It made me wonder…

Does Love always brings Joy?

I reflected on my own experiences and could not recall a single time that Love didn’t have me feeling wonderful and happy. There was never ever any room for any of the Bitter Emotions. Love always brought happiness alongside it.

Now, I know when Love fades and you have a nasty break up or when you lose someone close unexpectedly, it feels like Love Hurts.  But, this is different. This is not the emotion Love causing the pain, it’s the grief over the loss of Love that hurts. 

I hear people say “Love Hurts” all too often, so I think I need to rectify this notion. 

As time passes and the pain of loss passes, we often recall the one loved and these memories bring back happiness and Joy.  Loss is painful, no doubt.  It sits on the Bitter Emotions scale for sure.  Love though, Love is always sweet.

What have been your experiences with Love?  Did you find it Sweet? Or would you argue it was Bitter?

Passion - It's a little bit of "Love" and a little bit of "Anger"

When you hear the word passion, what do you envision? Do images of red roses and satin sheets pop up first? Or, do images of someone speaking loudly to a crowd of people come to mind? Maybe you visualize a person pounding the keys of a piano fully absorbed in the music?

I started thinking about the complexity of this feeling after a heated discussion. When it was over, I felt elated yet angry. I felt strongly about the topic and rationalized the argument as each of us just being passionate about the subject matter.

Passion, when dissected, is a combination of the emotions Love and Anger. As it is two emotions rolled into one it is very powerful.  Passion is a feeling that can defy logic and overpower thinking.  When we feel passionate about something we often become blinded to all other things. 

If passion is driven by Love, all that exists is what we are enthralled with.

If passion is driven by Anger, we refuse to see the opposing point of view.

Anger and Love, Bitter and Sweet... How has your passion served you? Has the Love in your passion strengthened your relationships?  How about your work? Has the Anger in your passion alienated you from others?

Understanding how passion works at an emotional level is crucial in order to take control and harness the energy it creates. When blinded by "Angry Passion" we risk offending others. If absorbed in "Loving Passion" we can alienate those closest to us.  Just the right amount of passion though, can set a relationship on fire.  It can ignite a cause and motivate others to rally!  Passion can lead to heightened creative experiences where masterpieces are brought to life.

What has been your experience with Passion?  Where on The BitterSweet scale does passion live for you -- Love or Anger?

Pride Feels Good!

Have you seen that new commercial Jeep put out highlighting American diversity?  “What unites us is stronger than what divides us."  It’s a feel good commercial, evoking love of country, a very different type of love, one based on pride.  

Pride is defined as a feeling or deep pleasure or satisfaction derived from one's own achievements, the achievements of those with whom one is closely associated, or from qualities or possessions that are widely admired.  Pride is a sweet emotion, falling under the umbrella of Joy.  

Pride is about self-respect and self-worth.  It is also a powerful unifying force.  The feeling of Pride connects us and draws us together, be it as a community, as a team or as a nation.

Pride feels good!  

And, when we feel good, it’s a lot easier to overcome differences and see what connects you to those around you.  

Some may argue that pride can be a bad thing; it is one of the seven deadly sins after all.  But, I will argue that regardless of how pride is used, either for good as in motivating others like at a high school pep rally or for bad as in being an arrogant self-righteous person who looks down on others, the feeling it gives the pride bearer is still one of Joy.  

What has been your experience of pride?  Did it feel good for you?  Did someone use their pride in a way that didn’t feel good?  What are your thoughts on pride? 

Fearmongering...

The third Presidential Debate in the United States is tomorrow and this means countless advertisements from the candidates trying to get you to vote for them.

Have you noticed what I have? It's Fear.

I have found this election rife with fearmongering which is when people deliberately arouse public fear and alarm about a particular issue.  This made me question the use of this tactic.  Why fearmongering?  Why not use positive ads to inspire and to get the public to love them?  Why fear?

The answer is simple.  

Fear is the strongest of human emotions and the Presidential Election Candidates know it.  Fear has been shown to reside in the lower parts of our brain, specifically in the amygdala, making us quite literally hardwired to fear.  It is how we have stayed alive and survived as cavemen.  It was fear that triggered us to run away from the man-eating animals and such.  This deep seated, primal emotion makes us vulnerable to all sorts of manipulations that others take advantage of.  Politicians have learned that playing with our fear is a sure-fire way to get them votes. If you don’t vote for me, this bad thing will happen!  

Thinking ahead.

So when you find yourself reacting to these ads, remember you need to move beyond your caveman brain because you are being fear mongered.  How do you really feel?  How do you want to feel?  How do you bridge the gap if it exists? 

Have you seen any ads that strike you as fearmongering?  Which candidate is using fearmongering more?  Who is reaping more success from fearmongering?

Share your thoughts.

Meh... or should I say M-E-H?

I don’t know about you, but lately my Facebook feed is full of friends responding “meh” to a variety of posts.  I can hear them saying it  --  I can see their shoulders shrugging and their eyes rolling, while their lips frown downwards like grumpy-cat.  Who would have thought The Simpsons could have such far-reaching influence?  

So what exactly does “meh” or “m-e-h” mean?

In essence, meh is modern day slang for apathy.  Apathy is a general lack of emotion, a disdain for passion and excitement, and/or indifference.  Apathy is something we all experience in some capacity.  It is a natural response to disappointment, dejection, and stress.  Sometimes we want to feel meh. Sometimes not caring is the lesser of the evils.  It gives you a reprieve from feeling those highly intense, unwanted emotions.  Sometimes feeling meh is as good as being "dead in the water".  Feeling meh is when you find yourself in a place lacking inspiration and passion.

Have you ever lacked inspiration or passion?

Feeling meh about a situation is 100% on the bitter scale.  Meh rolls anger, sadness and fear into one giant “whatever” feeling, or should I say “meh”?  

I am sure parents of teenagers have lots of experience with Meh. 

meh

The Election Assessment - Does Fear Drive Voters?

It was interesting to watch the 2016 Presidential Debate last night.  The focus on facts has been unbelievable.  And while facts are important, we can’t dismiss feelings.  As voting citizens, we review each candidate’s history, their track record of accomplishments and the reality tied to the things they say.  These things evoke from us a visceral response from which we make our voting decisions.  Both candidates seem to bring out Sweet emotions, and this is to be expected.  Furthermore, based on the review of our user's responses to the Election Assessment, the candidates are also weighted pretty heavily on the Bitter side, with Fear at the top of the list.  

As Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump vie for the ultimate power seat, it's easy to see to see why Fear is such a prevalent emotion during this election period. Fear ties into trust.   If after taking the Election Assessment your dominant emotion was Fear, you likely have a trust issue.  Yes, we know – hello Captain Obvious.  Who doesn’t have a trust issue with the Candidates?  Turn on any news station and every poll tells you trust is an issue.  But, if you look deeper at trust, you will also find layers of respect and care.  So ask yourself:

  • Do you respect the Candidate(s)?
  • Do they respect the American people?
  • Does the Candidate care for you?
  • Does the Candidate care about what is important to you?

In the end how you feel will dictate how you vote.

As promised, we have aggregated the results of the Election Assessments taken on September 26, 2016, the night of the first Presidential Debate.  The chart below seems to echo much of what we have been hearing in the news, but with some additional clarity.

Based on the chart, you can see that Trump supporters are more passionate about their candidate with Love and Joy being their leading emotions.  For Hillary, people are finding Joy in her candidacy but are struggling to love her.  In addition, voters have expressed almost equal levels of Anger and Sadness with both candidates.  Finally, the high level of Surprise for Trump supports the higher level of Fear voters have from this candidate. 

If you haven’t tried the Election Assessment, you must!  Find out how you feel about the candidates, your answers may surprise you.  It is FREE, ONLY 1 QUESTION and WILL ONLY TAKE 2 MINUTES TO COMPLETE.  Just click here to get started.  When you are done, come back and tell us your thoughts?  Ask questions.  Help us create a dialogue.